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4/10

I thought I couldn’t fail to enjoy an epic story with modern visuals and an all star cast. I was wrong. Noah was pants, despite some impressive CGI and a nice rough ark concept. Russell Crowe was his useful gruff self, but made a reasonable Noah.

The film lost me first with the odd rock creatures, like biblical Transformers. Maybe I missed an angel metaphor somewhere, but every time they appeared – building the ark and especially the epic battle scenes, I just found myself scowling at the screen.

The problem for me was that it was boring. Everyone knows the basic story, so extra plot lines were developed. But they were boring too. Lots of gruff brooding. Lots of angst. Lengthy angst. I found myself willing it to end – as it was at least 30 minutes too long.